What ever happened to classy insults?
By BILL DUNCAN
The View From Here
As the election draws near this Tuesday, a reader, Charles Becherer of Roseburg, wonders what ever happened to classy insults. We get plenty of verbal exchanges between candidates, but they are not classy quotes. Becherer feels barbs today have no class.
He shared with me a collection of what he feels were insults with class. He is not the only one collecting classy insults. In fact, James Charlton in 1994 compiled a book called "Fighting Words," listing 141 pages of insults.
I noted from Becherer’s list that Winston Churchill was the one most quoted. That was of little surprise to me because Churchill often had a witty comeback for his critics.
My favorite is his reply to a London Times editor who criticized Churchill for ending a sentence with a preposition. "This is the sort of English up with which I will not put," he wrote in response.
His political opponents were often the subject of his insults:
Of one he said: "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Of another, he said: "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
George Bernard Shaw sent Churchill this note:
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring
a friend…if you have one." To which Churchill replied: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one."
Here are some of Becherer’s choices:
William Faulkner commenting about Ernest Hemingway:
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to
the dictionary." Hemingway fired back: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
As a book reviewer, I have often wished for the courage of Columbia University classics professor, Moses Hadas, who once replied to an author in this manner: "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I’ll waste no time reading it."
F. Scott Fitzgerald discovered you should never let your wife review your books. His wife, Zelda, also a writer, reviewed Fitzgerald’s "The Beautiful and the Damned" and made this comment: "…he seems to believe plagiarism begins at home."
Nora Joyce, wife of writer James Joyce, once told her husband: "Why don’t you write books people can read."
Of course, Mark Twain despised book reviewers and once had this to say about a critic’s comment that Twain’s books were trash: "My books are water. Those of great geniuses are wine. Everybody drinks water." He once spoke to a man interviewing him about his books: "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" In another bold insult, Twain responsed to criticism for not attending a funeral. "I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
And of funerals, Clarence Darrow once wrote: "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Responding to a party host, Groucho Marx said: "I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it."
Oscar Wilde, noted for his cutting remarks, once described George Bernard Shawsaying: "He has no enemies and none of his friends like him." On another occasion, he said: "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Since this is the political season, this quote by columnist James Reston about Nixon is one of my favorites: "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
Personally, I think the witty comeback is more important than the insult and is often remembered longer than the verbal attack. I am a newspaper columnist and familiar with the slings and arrows against those of us willing to jut our chins forward. I have long savored the reply that the late newspaper columnist Lewis Grizzard wrote to a reader who said he was an ignorant hillbilly: "What did you expect for 35 cents?"
This is my 35 cents worth.
(Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470, or by e-mail at elderstatesmansblog@yahoo.com)