Dealing with grief over loss of spouse
By BILL DUNCAN
The News-Review
It may seem strange that a man would be reviewing a book for widows, but from a personal viewpoint I believe the male gender, who statistically dies first and leaves a widow, should know what lies ahead for his spouse.
The market is flooded with books on grieving, but this small volume I found to be unique, first because it is written by someone who really knows "how you feel because I had the same feelings when my husband died." Marcia Curran, a journal writer, used that same style to offer advice.
"There are no words to describe waking up the morning after your husband has died and thinking, ‘I’m a widow. How can this be? What am I going to do?’" Curran writes. "Some inner strength gets you through, but the days, weeks and months afterward are full of unrelenting see-saws of emotions."
Curran had kept journals for years, so it was natural for her to continue writing journal entries after her husband died. "Each thought, idea…has been personally experienced by me. I am not a doctor or a grief counselor. I am a widow who loved and lost her husband."
One of her best pieces of advice is to join a support group. "You might think you are a private person and couldn’t open up in a group setting, but when you are in a group feeling is the same sad feelings you will be surprised how good it feels to talk."
Her other best advice is to keep a journal.
Don’t expect a lot of words. The charm of the book is Curran’s ability to say so much in so few words. It is uniquely one sentence per page and no more than a paragraph per page, with plenty of white space for the reader to write their on journal notes, leaving behind for others, how they coped during this time of trial.
Here are some samples:
"Sell his truck (or car). Even the neighbors feel sad looking at it."
"The first year is the hardest and so is the second and the third."
"It’s okay to cry every day for months."
Curran doesn’t minimize the emotional heartbreak of widowhood, but she does advise the widow to heal and go on living.