Messages by what we wear
By BILL DUNCAN
The view From Here
My daughter Sue gave me a prized Christmas present this year, one that she said "had my dad written all over it when I saw it." It is a sweatshirt with a saying printed across the chest: "Lead me not into temptation…" The underline says: "especial bookstores."
She knows her dad, the biblioholic. What came with the present was almost as interesting as the gift — a catalog filled with clothing
imprinted with similar sayings.
Who would have ever thought wearing a sweatshirt, or even a T-shirt, could send a message. But thumbing through that catalog I found plenty of messages emblazoned on what people wear.
I am going to list a few that were featured in the catalog:
A sweatshirt with the saying: "Some days, it’s not even worth chewing through the restraints."
Most were for booklovers like myself. One has an open book with the message: "Books: The original search engines." Another said:
"So many books so little time." My favorite is a sweatshirt quoting Erasmus: "When I get a little money, I buy books. And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes." Or, one that says: "Life is short. read fast."
As an old Marine, I liked this one: "To err is human. To forgive is divine. Neither is Marine Corps policy." Another Marine Corps sweatshirt has the message: "No one ever drowned in sweat."
However, most were just funny, like: "Not perfect, but so close it scares me." Anyone who has ever had a big sister could appreciate this one: "Who needs a therapist. I have a big sister." Then there is the sweatshirt that says: "Sisters: Emotional Tech Support."
I am one of the ten this sweatshirt talks about: "There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary and those who don’t." You can ask my software engineer son, Jack, who will tell you I am one of the don’ts. But as a teacher, I wouldn’t mind having this sweatshirt: "Don’t make me get out my red pen." The letters are black except for "red pen."
I am pretty good at cooking, but I was never sharp in the chemistry class and perhaps this sweatshirt tells me why: "Chemistry is just like cooking, (but don’t lick the spoon.)" Since I am supposed to be retired, I need this sweatshirt: "This is my ain’t gonnna do nothin’ shirt."
There is even a sweatshirt with a message to make people stop and stare, but eventually they might figure out the message: "Ts’i mahnu uterna ot twan ot geifur hingts uto." It translates "It’s human nature to want to figure things out."
In this election year, I would shy away from the one wearing this sweatshirt: "Warning explosive political opinions." There is enough of that on the nightly news. Some of those seeking office should remember that voters may be wearing this t-shirt: "Let’s hope intelligent life exists in space. I’m so lonely here."
But I would be endeared any one wearing a sweatshirt with this message: "Still plays with trains."
For the musician, there is a T-shirt that has an enlarged treble clef with the words under it saying: "Here comes treble." Or a sweatshirt that says: "Without music life would B (follwed by the musical symbol for a flat note, a rounded lower case b.) Or, perhaps this one: "Musicians Duet Better."
There is a long one that is surely to stop people who want to read the message: "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well deserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming, ‘Wow what a Ride!’"
To this I will add the sweatshirt that says: "Work for God. The retirement benefits are great."
(Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470)