The government stole my ZIP code
By BILL DUNCAN
The View From Here
I have a wonderful post lady named Verna. She is prompt. She is pleasant and she even delivers right to my front door when I get a box of books. I have absolutely no complaint about her service. She may be the true model of that Post Office motto:
"Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor snow nor heat of day nor dark of night shall keep this carrier from the swift completion of his (her) appointed rounds."
That motto is attributed to Herodotus in 500 B.C., but is actually a rewrite by William Kendall, who had the task of finding an appropriate inscription for the New York Post Office and in 1876 plagiarized Herodotus story about the swiftness of a messenger.
That being said, I have not fault with my carrier, but I do have a complaint for her boss, the United States Postal Service. The USPS sent me a letter informing me of an impending crisis effective 07/01/2008. The local postmaster began his letter with:
"Change is not always easy or convenient, but your ZIP Code provides additional room for growth in the community and effective mail delivery for years to come." Then he whacked with the bad news. My ZIP Code 97470 will become 97471 on July 1.
He warned me that it is important that I use my new ZIP Code on the effective date. "We understand that you need time to notify people with whom you correspond," he said.
I could even forgive him for misspelling "stationery" and making it an immovable object, if only he would tell me what I am to do with all those address labels the charities and whoever else sends preprinted address labels by the gross with every mail delivery I get at ZIP Code 97470. That ZIP Code is imprinted on every single address label that now fills an entire 9 x 12 envelope in my office cupboard. My wife has an envelope of equal size filled with her address labels, all saying ZIP Code 97470.
The Postmaster said the change is to enable the Post Office to maintain service and is necessary due to a large increase in population. What ever happened to Gov. Tom McCall’s idea to keep Oregon green — let those outsiders bring cash, spend it in Oregon and go home?
Before I was one of McCall’s unwanted, I worked for a daily newspaper in Long Beach, Calif. That was before ZIP Codes. In fact the ZIP Code cost me $50. The editorial staff had a contest with a $50 prize for any reporter who could go a full year without mentioning the Postmaster’s name in print. I was the reporter who was closest to going the whole year without mentioning the name of the news junkie Postmaster in any of the stories I wrote.
Then it was my luck to be assigned to write a story about a new Postal invention, called Zone Improvement Plan (ZIP). Despite my deliberate scheme to do the story when I knew the Postmaster was out of town, he later called my editor and convinced him there was a federal mandate that required a statement about the ZIP Code from the local Postmaster. The editor added his comment to my story and I lost the $50.
I only wish I had the old Postmaster’s address today. I would mail him my surplus address labels on July 1 and let him deal with the problem. Of course he was appointed by Eisenhower during the era of Presidential patronage. John F. Kennedy appointed a new Postmaster when he succeeded Eisenhower.
I once tried to shred my overflowing address labels and I gummed up the shredder so badly I had to replace it.
If this weather holds out, I might be able to build a fire and burn the stash and hope that I am not gumming up Global warming.
(Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Post 812, Roseburg, OR 97470. The P.O. box is in the downtown post office and the ZIP there will remain the same, at least I hope so.)