What goes around stays around
By BILL DUNCAN
The View From Here
I am always amazed at how stories take on a life of their own through the internet and e-mails.
No matter how cleverly they are written, they remain anonymous. I think anonymous has become a synonym for plagiarism.
Back in the other century, I got an e-mail from some reader sending me a funeral notice announcing the death of “Common Sense.” I got the same message the other day, so “Common Sense” and all his relatives that are mentioned in the obituary haven’t been buried yet.
Common sense tells me that obit has been overworked, but since there is a lot of truth in it, particularly in the current political morass, I think it’s worth reprinting, but warning I am you I am plagiarizing some writer more clever than I. This latest message said it was first printed in the London Times, but if you Google the first few words of the old saw, you will discover it has been all over the world and the author still remains anonymous.
“Obituary: Mr. Common Sense.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge.)
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.”
Google lists 77,700 mentions of this death notice on blogs, in newsletters, private e-mails and credits all kinds of sources that aren’t really sources. The latest copy that came to me, urged me to “pass this on, if not,” to “join the majority and do nothing.”
Of course I’ve known about the demise of Common Sense for years and didn’t need an e-mail reminder to inform me. In 2001, while visiting England, I clipped a small item from The London
Times that is proof positive Common Sense is dead.
Headline: “Woman ordered to warn intruders.” The story under the headline said,
“A 94-year-old British woman who surrounded her home with razor wire after her house was broken into four times in 18 months must put up a sign warning intruders of the danger. Local officials had ordered Ruby Barber to take down the wire fearing intruders would get hurt. After she declined, they ordered her to put up the sign.”
There is only one way to end this column. Common sense today is truly uncommon.
(Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470)