He taught me what love is all about
By BILL DUNCAN You might confuse this column with an obituary for Meryl Lorraine Murphy who died in a Roseburg care facility on Nov. 4, but it is not. It is a tribute to an amazing man, LaVerne Murphy, who just happened to be Meryl’s spouse of 64 years. That many years of marriage alone is a modern day phenomenon, but for the last 12 years Meryl suffered from that dreaded Alzheimer’s, a disease that robs its victim of cognizance. That did not diminish LaVerne’s loving care for Meryl. Up until five years ago, Meryl remained under his constant care. The last five were in a care facility, but LaVerne was there daily participating in her care. In 2004, LaVerne penned this poem to his wife: My Wife Meryl She’s still my wife, who’s standing there. It’s still her eyes, her face, but now white hair. It’s still her body, but it’s just a shell Of the wife that I once knew so well She’s still my wife, who would look at me, Then ask me, "Where could LaVerne be?" Her memory’s fleeting, her gait is weak. Loved ones long gone are those she seeks. She’s still my wife, who shares our home. The one I dress, whose white hair I comb. She’s still my wife… I know ‘tis true. And so dear God, I turn to you. Please give me patience, wisdom, and love, Till the day that You take her to heaven above. Let me return… if even through tears, The love she gave me through all these years. In the evenings when the dark shadows begin to fall, Meryl says," My dad will come get me, give him a call." Though she often thinks that I’m someone other, I love her yet… she’s still my wife and no other. Her daily care became too much for me, Callahan Court her new home will be, Where she receives all her needs and daily care. She’s making new friends and her love to share As she waits for her Jesus to call her home, To be with her family and no longer alone. –Laverne Murphy The Murphys were ranchers in Umpqua, Oregon and at her funeral service Sunday LaVerne noted that Meryl had never been on a farm before they were married in 1944, but that she learned the farm way of life in a hurry as he was sick during their first year of marriage. Meryl had to learn how to milk cows take care of 750 laying hens, harvest prunes and do all the farm chores including helping ewes during lambing season. She learned to drive a hay truck, work a field with a tractor not to mention the normal farm wife’s duties of fixing dinner for farm hands and canning the harvest. I think I fell in love with Meryl the year that LaVerne enrolled in a class on writing that I was teaching at Umpqua Community College in Winchester, Oregon. Meryl was already showing signs of Alzheimer’s and LaVerne was not going to leave her alone so she came to class with him. What a joy she was not only for me as the instructor, but also for every student enrolled. Part of the classes I teach is a peer critique in which students read their manuscripts. Meryl showed her appreciation of good writing with prolonged applause, but lo be it to the one that didn’t hit the mark. She critiqued it with the eye of a reader, including the offerings of LaVerne. When the community came together to say goodbye to Meryl, they were there for LaVerne in numbers so large it was standing room only at St. John’s Lutheran Church in Sutherlin and each received an order of service imprinted, appropriately, with Jesus cuddling a lamb. LaVerne has long been known as the agricultural historian for Douglas County, but to me he is a role model of living in peace and love in this angry world. (Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470)
The View From Here