Uncle Sam needs to get an e-mail account
By BILL DUNCAN This Friday will be Friday the 13th, perhaps it is a good time for me to give the Washington bureaucrats some financial advice. All the news says the nation is in financial trouble. I have the solution. Get Uncle Sam an e-mail address. In no time flat he will solve the money issues and put the nation in the black. I know this is a proven fact. I have two e-mail accounts, one personal and one for business. Why just yesterday, I was informed by Mario Giamluca on one of the e-mail accounts that I had won the SuperEnalotto of two million, fifty-eight thousand, eight hundred Euros and 37 centavos. All I had to do was to contact Mario on his e-mail to make my claim, giving him my bank account number so he could make a direct deposit. I wasn’t quite sure what that amount would be worth in dollars, but I discovered every U.S. dollar is worth .7726 in Euros, so do the math. That would make a sizable dent in helping Uncle Sam solve his economic woes. But wait, there is more. David Adam, a practicing lawyer in the United Kingdom contacted me via e-mail saying he sought my “candid collaboration in handling a business venture that I feel would be mutually beneficial to you and I, (a little trouble with your English grammar there, counselor.) May I ask your permission to present you as a beneficiary to the will of one of my trusted clients. My client and his whole family members were involved in the Sharja air crash of 25th of July 2004. Since after this unfortunate incident I have not been able to locate any member of his family to present to his bank for claims of his deposit as the law permits. It is now about the time for the government of the United Kingdom convert the money to hers.” You will have to excuse his misspelling. I think he meant “heirs.” The message continues: “On receipt of your response in affirmation of your willingness to work with me I will send to you full details and more information about myself and the said funds for your better understanding. As I am yet to get your consent on this issue, I prefer not to divulge my full identify so as not to risk being publicized, which consequence is detrimental.” Sorry David, but you are on Candid Camera for the whole world to see. Uncle Sam, you see how easy it is to fill up coffers? Take the message I got from Mr. John Novo, for instance. He said he is my good friend and is “happy to inform me that he has transfered (his spelling, but my spell checker is insisting I put a double rr in transferred) funds for a friend in Australia” and has $800,000 in a cashier check for my compensation if I will provide him with a bank account number for him to make a deposit. He promises to “immediately send the check to you alright.” He still is having problems with his spelling, although the spell checker on my computer said it was “alright” to misspell all right. Surely, these stray funds coming in from all parts of the world could help provide a boost for us to get out of this economic crisis. Just get an e-mail account and the offers of help will pour in, so long as you are not picky about spelling and grammar. You Washington folks might consider it “foreign aid.” (Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470)
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