The Elder Statesman

By BILL DUNCAN
The View From Here

Thanksgiving in now just leftovers. I was once given an assignment as a newspaper reporter to write a funny story about what to do with all the leftovers after the Thanksgiving feast. I spun a fantasy tale about a new device on the market that would completely devour the turkey leftovers while the family slept off the effects of tryptophen from the overstuffed meal.

Medical science has identified tryptophan as an amino acid found in turkey and discovered that the body metabolizes tryptophan and eventually turns it into a neurotransmitter known as serotonin which induces a calming effect when it is released in the brain. The brain signals the rest of the body that a Thanksgiving Day nap would be a good idea, especially while lounging in a Laz-Boy in front of a nice warm fire. Even football games give way to the mandatory afternoon nap.

My mythical device worked like that pop-up insert that tells the cook when a 23-pound turkey is fully cooked and ready to be sliced for the serving platter to be placed on the table along with cornbread stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, cranberry sauce, and of course pumpkin and coconut cream pie. I’m getting sleepy just thinking about it.

Understand, I was under orders to write this fantasy story because my

editor hated leftovers, especially when his wife would pack him a turkey sandwich lunch for several days after Thanksgiving. I worked for a morning newspaper and the company cafeteria was closed during our working hours but the nearest restaurant was about five miles away. We were all brown baggers.

In truth, I like Thanksgiving simply because of the leftovers. Turkey sandwiches are my favorite, even a full dinner of leftovers, especially a hot turkey sandwich, and of course with plenty of the cornbread stuffing.

This Thanksgiving I celebrated  the feast with a daughter and her family in Eugene and that means skimpy leftovers came back to Roseburg with me, maybe just enough for one or two turkey sandwiches and maybe an extra helping of cornbread stuffing.

I will leave the turkey carcass behind which means I can’t make my homemade broth for turkey soup. Instead of  leftovers, this year it was leftbehinds.

But then Christmas is coming soon and time for another turkey feast and time for me to consider another much maligned holiday treat

– the fruitcake. Like Thanksgiving leftovers there are hundreds of

fruitcake urban legends, like using Aunt Sue’s fruitcake as a paperweight, or a doorstop.

Fruitcake dates back to ancient Rome. It is no joke that in some ancient Roman ruins the remains of a fruitcake were found. Therefore, fruitcake has a long history for mankind and that is no joke. The tradition of fruit cakes began as a way to preserve fruit for consumption during winter months.

Admittedly, there can be horrible fruitcakes that are dry, too cakey and unappetizing, but then that last batch of holiday brownies I baked the other day that called for a peanut butter swirl could easily have been used as a paperweight or a door stop. The batch was so bad, that birds just picked out the walnuts and left the rest behind.

The Trappist monks have the right idea about fruitcakes, soak them in a good Kentucky bourbon to keep them moist. Now that is my kind of fruitcake. 

(Bill Duncan can be reached by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470)

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 26th, 2009 at 8:00 am and is filed under Column. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.