Book Review/The Path We Share
The Path We Share By BILL DUNCAN In today’s world where 50 percent of married couples in the United States end up divorced, Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad’s book provides valuable insights on the secret of a lasting marriage. The secret is so simple, the author says: “To stay married for a long time, you have to find a way to resolve the many differences that arise over the year.” She admits in her own marriage she didn’t figure this out until she was in her 33rd year of marriage. That was when the word “divorce” came up during a heated discussion with her husband, Les. “It took four months for use to figure out this was probably not a great idea.” Any time a marriage endures, it is beating the odds. According to government figures from the Center of Disease Control, the U.S. marriage rate is 7.1 per 1,000 total population while the divorce rate is 3.5 per 1,000. According to DivorceMagazine.com the percentage of marriage persons who reach their 25th anniversary is 33 percent; 20 percent of couples reach their 35th anniversary, but only 5 percent reach their 50th. Every marriage is tested at one time or another, but Lois is sharing a story that will help couples – even those about-to-be-marrieds – to take an affirmative path to a long happy relationship. She says nurture the relationship tenaciously, foster a lifelong physical intimacy, laugh often and vow to persevere in the harshest of times. The six decade marriage between Les and Lois did persevere through hard times. She tells of that in her 1993 book, “Fine Black Lines: Facing Cancer, Fear and Loneliness,” the story of her battling breast cancer. The 60 year old marriage began simply enough with a dinner at a friend’s home that 16-year-old Lois balked at having to attend, but it was there she first met Les. That led to dating and only after a few dates, Lois was convinced she would marry Les, but as she writes “I couldn’t imagine ‘ever after.’” She said growing old with someone wasn’t “on my list of possibilities. If I could have imagined my life, I never would have believed it.” But they did grow old together and while the happily ever after had some true to life bumps, they persevered. Lois writes about what began as a friendly discussion over which nationality had achieved the most in life, led to a serious argument over the most mundane of subjects, but as she points out these are the serious conflicts that marriage faces. “Les is 100 percent Norwegian,” she said. “Both my parents are German.” What started out as a friendly difference of opinion ended in a full blown argument, until Les put his arms around her. “I lost the argument,” she said. “In our family spats came and went as quickly as the sun comes out after a summer shower,” she said. Many issues tested that resolve, but each time their love was greater than the dispute.` Before focusing on her writing, Lois taught piano, music theory and composition for 40 years. She and her husband, Les, have four children, 12 grandchildren and eight great grandchildren. She now travels as a speaker dedicated to bringing a positive message to the frightening diagnosis of breast cancer. In addition to her book about breast cancer, she also wrote “The Last Violet: Mourning My Mother,” a 2002 book based on a journal she kept while caring for her dying mother, reflecting on her mother’s life and on the experience of grief. Lois is an accomplished poet and her poems are included in this book with each chapter separated by her poems. A copy of “The Path We Share,” would make an excellent wedding gift for newlyweds. (Bill Duncan can be reached at bduncan@nrtoday.com or by writing to P.O. Box 812, Roseburg, OR 97470) 
Reflecting on 60 Years of Marriage
By Lois Tschetter Hjelmstad
Mulberry Hill Press
Paperback $18.95
The News-Review